I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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