Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
