I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
