Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
