My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize