Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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