oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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