i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
