i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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