Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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