i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need a beard to bite.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
