No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, he came in my armpit
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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