seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The uberlube is also flammable
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
