I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
