So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think my mom watched the whole time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
