I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
