im drinking this country out of the recession.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
