ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's like heaven, but drunker
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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