I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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