The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
