guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
