It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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