why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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