I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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