I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
