So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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