He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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