If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm at about main and main street
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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