Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
