I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
