you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
