i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
