as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
