But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
