That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
