JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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