I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
