I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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