Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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