Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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