Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
