I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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