i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
