I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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