i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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