im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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