I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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