We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
