Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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