You work out of a Hotel?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
