No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
