Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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