I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
