she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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