I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
