i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
