haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
