plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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