i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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