bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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