i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You pole danced in your parka.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
