That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love having hate sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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