I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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