i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
try to milk me bitch
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