Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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